..Oh. Right. [ If Siffrin was in a more better mindset, he might have been relieved to hear that Isabeau will stay. That claim to stay at their side without a moment of hesitation. An offer for as long as they want.
But while realistically, it hasn't been that long since Siffrin remembered being reminded of the story itself, under the weight of Bonnie's - it gets them freezing. Their breath stutters, hands holding out in front of them with hard to control trembles. Even if they can't see their own hands, the image burns in their mind, the weight of that neck in hands and the sound of the s n a p - ]
A- ah - [ Siffrin jerks suddenly, completely pale and shaken. They can't breathe. Can't breathe. Swallowing down a whimper, nodding too quickly that they get overly dizzy but that hand holds the eyepatch out. It's fine.. don't think about it. It didn't happen, it's not real. ]
He's sitting right next to them. Of course he's going to notice all that trembling!! Hear all that stuttered breathing! Why are they holding out that eyepatch like nothing is wrong??]
Sif? Siffrin? What happened??
[Isabeau takes that shaking hand without thinking twice (and he probably should have), fingers wrapped around their palm, eyepatch pressed between it.]
[ That hand is taken and the flinch is just automatic, it's harder not being able to see it. But at least they don't take their hand away. Grip tight as if to stop the tremble in their hand, or maybe to make sure he doesn't let go - ]
N-Nothing, I just... [ It comes too easily. A smile. ] Had a bad thought. About that other place.
[After several weeks worth of smacks and jolts and avoidance... the way Siffrin squeezes his hand borders on alarming. That smile, in triplicate. Fingers dig into the back of his hand, hard enough that their nails could leave marks if they wanted.
Isabeau squeezes back.]
No, you aren't. Why would you-- no, never mind that.
[It doesn't matter why they feel like they need to hide it to this extent, not right now.]
I'm gonna move your hand, okay? Keep holding on.
[They can't see, after all... Urgh. Don't think about it right now. Slow to start, he draws their hand over, until the back of it is pressed to his chest. Knuckles to sweater vest. And from there, he takes a very... deep... breath.]
Breathe with me? Like you did when I was coughing up all that water...
[ Why wouldn't they? As if Siffrin could admit to everything that happened there. As if he could admit to watching Odile malfunction and attack the returning expedition group. That he watched her strike familiar faces here and Mirabelle down to a bloody pile.
That Bonnie took him off to the side, fear and panic in their voice as they could feel themselves turning and begged Siffrin to kill them before they do something they regret. Before they become a monster and hurt them. And that eventually, Siffrin complied. That death personally on their hands. These hands. Is Isabeau even safe around them?
Isabeau's words sound distantly in the back of their mind, numb and quiet. Only able to focus on the tightness in their own chest, the struggle of breath as their throat feels ready to close up.
(Stars, get it blinding together!! You're freaking him out!!) ]
... [ The weight of their hand moves, hand twitching as it makes contact with the other's chest. But he can feel it. The weight of that breath as he inhales. And they try to do the same. Trying not to choke on that deep breath they take, shakily releasing. Breath in... and out. ]
[The panic attack set in so fast, he could feel acid rising in his own throat at the sight. He's been shy before. Terrified, even. And there were lots of brand new things for him to fear between their journey through Vaugarde and the weeks spent here in Purgatory.
But none of it looked like this.
Siffrin slips into another world, lost somewhere in the back of his mind- probably to wherever he was when he lost his other eye. And Isabeau feels like if he tried to shake them out of it, tried to physically pull them back here, it would only result in a fight. Further panic, an attempt to sink farther. He hears them take that first breath with him, caught in a throat that doesn't want to let them have oxygen.]
Hey, Siffrin. You can hear me, right?
[What'd they say last time?]
You're here. You're here, and I'm right here with you.
[ The worst of it is how badly Siffrin wants to cry. Just to let some of it out. But no matter what, it doesn't get to that point! Instead, they're sitting here, waiting without even the chance to cry. Cry over what isn't really their friends dying. No matter how real it feels.
How horrible is that? Their brows furrow deeply, expression pinched with eyes remaining tightly closed. He's supposed to have a better handle on his emotions. He's supposed to be a blinding good actor capable of fooling even his friends. And yet he's already failed it by worrying Isabeau more.
There's a small nod. Yeah, Siffrin can hear him. Can feel him in the weight of their hands. Feel him.. here. That Siffrin is here. Not in that life before. But not exactly back in Vaugarde either. There's another breath in... and out. It keeps going until their breath is more steady again. ]
[There's an iota of relief when they nod. Good! He's heard. At the very least, they aren't so far gone that his voice can't reach them. It's all he's got to rely on, when his touch seemingly burns and they no longer have their sight. Siffrin seems to take to what he says... enough, at least, that the longer they breathe with him, the steadier their breathing gets.]
In... and out...
[He keeps his hand pressed to his chest even after Siffrin's breathing steadies. Just to hold. He can protect them with this much.]
...Do you want to talk about it? What happened?
[His fingers trail, two tips trying to rub something of a comforting glide along their wrist.]
You don't have to. I'll be here for you either way.
[ The moment that question comes, Siffrin shakes their head quickly. No. No. Absolutely not. There's no blinding way in any scenario could Siffrin admit to any of that. Which is.. probably unfair. But that's a burden for Siffrin to bear. Not Isabeau.
Isabeau has already gone through so much as is. He doesn't need more of that. Doesn't need to hear or imagine the death of their friends. But of course Isabeau is kind enough to offer Siffrin that way out. That he doesn't need to.
Their skin burns a little, feeling where those fingers trail. A glide that leaves them shivering. So hyper aware of the feel of that skin touch there beneath the short cut of their short gloves. ]
I'm okay. I.. barely remember it now anyway. [ Could be a lie. Could be the truth. ]
[He kinda thought so, seeing that rapid shake. It's too soon. It would be too much.]
...
[He doesn't believe them at all when they say they don't remember it. They wouldn't still be clinging to him and shivering at the barest touch if that were the case.]
[ The feel of their hand drops, and they try not to tighten their grip. But that hand doesn't release their own and they emit a breath. The silence that fills does make it.. a bit difficult to take. Only because they don't have their vision to know what expression Isabeau must be making.
What he might be thinking. But the offer comes and.. There's a nod. Sleep would probably help but.. a part of them also doesn't want to. Maybe they can pretend to. But to hear Isabeau talk.. that would be better than laying in silence. ]
Hehe. Better settle in then, I've got a lot to say!
[He's quiet shouting, but that enthusiasm he always makes sure to bring sounds through. If nothing else, he can offer Siffrin some normalcy. The normalcy of his too loud voice and his too chipper attitude.]
So, you already saw the courthouse stuff, but did I tell you about the morgue, yet? Or the graveyard?
[He'll tell all! Not every last detail, of course. But the show stoppers. Meeting a cool woman named Medea who helped talk him through some complicated feelings. Soo-Won, who offered to grieve with him, without knowing a single thing about who was in the coffin. Dahut, who helped him run away from a ghost!! Melinoe, who gave him a hug and taught him about other gods. And Sylus. Who tried to get him to play video games? On and on. He yaps for hours, until either Siffrin shuts him up, or they drift off...]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
But while realistically, it hasn't been that long since Siffrin remembered being reminded of the story itself, under the weight of Bonnie's - it gets them freezing. Their breath stutters, hands holding out in front of them with hard to control trembles. Even if they can't see their own hands, the image burns in their mind, the weight of that neck in hands and the sound of the s n a p - ]
A- ah - [ Siffrin jerks suddenly, completely pale and shaken. They can't breathe. Can't breathe. Swallowing down a whimper, nodding too quickly that they get overly dizzy but that hand holds the eyepatch out. It's fine.. don't think about it. It didn't happen, it's not real. ]
no subject
He's sitting right next to them. Of course he's going to notice all that trembling!! Hear all that stuttered breathing! Why are they holding out that eyepatch like nothing is wrong??]
Sif? Siffrin? What happened??
[Isabeau takes that shaking hand without thinking twice (and he probably should have), fingers wrapped around their palm, eyepatch pressed between it.]
no subject
N-Nothing, I just... [ It comes too easily. A smile. ] Had a bad thought. About that other place.
I'm okay. Really.
no subject
Isabeau squeezes back.]
No, you aren't. Why would you-- no, never mind that.
[It doesn't matter why they feel like they need to hide it to this extent, not right now.]
I'm gonna move your hand, okay? Keep holding on.
[They can't see, after all... Urgh. Don't think about it right now. Slow to start, he draws their hand over, until the back of it is pressed to his chest. Knuckles to sweater vest. And from there, he takes a very... deep... breath.]
Breathe with me? Like you did when I was coughing up all that water...
no subject
That Bonnie took him off to the side, fear and panic in their voice as they could feel themselves turning and begged Siffrin to kill them before they do something they regret. Before they become a monster and hurt them. And that eventually, Siffrin complied. That death personally on their hands. These hands. Is Isabeau even safe around them?
Isabeau's words sound distantly in the back of their mind, numb and quiet. Only able to focus on the tightness in their own chest, the struggle of breath as their throat feels ready to close up.
(Stars, get it blinding together!! You're freaking him out!!) ]
... [ The weight of their hand moves, hand twitching as it makes contact with the other's chest. But he can feel it. The weight of that breath as he inhales. And they try to do the same. Trying not to choke on that deep breath they take, shakily releasing. Breath in... and out. ]
no subject
But none of it looked like this.
Siffrin slips into another world, lost somewhere in the back of his mind- probably to wherever he was when he lost his other eye. And Isabeau feels like if he tried to shake them out of it, tried to physically pull them back here, it would only result in a fight. Further panic, an attempt to sink farther. He hears them take that first breath with him, caught in a throat that doesn't want to let them have oxygen.]
Hey, Siffrin. You can hear me, right?
[What'd they say last time?]
You're here. You're here, and I'm right here with you.
no subject
How horrible is that? Their brows furrow deeply, expression pinched with eyes remaining tightly closed. He's supposed to have a better handle on his emotions. He's supposed to be a blinding good actor capable of fooling even his friends. And yet he's already failed it by worrying Isabeau more.
There's a small nod. Yeah, Siffrin can hear him. Can feel him in the weight of their hands. Feel him.. here. That Siffrin is here. Not in that life before. But not exactly back in Vaugarde either. There's another breath in... and out. It keeps going until their breath is more steady again. ]
no subject
In... and out...
[He keeps his hand pressed to his chest even after Siffrin's breathing steadies. Just to hold. He can protect them with this much.]
...Do you want to talk about it? What happened?
[His fingers trail, two tips trying to rub something of a comforting glide along their wrist.]
You don't have to. I'll be here for you either way.
no subject
Isabeau has already gone through so much as is. He doesn't need more of that. Doesn't need to hear or imagine the death of their friends. But of course Isabeau is kind enough to offer Siffrin that way out. That he doesn't need to.
Their skin burns a little, feeling where those fingers trail. A glide that leaves them shivering. So hyper aware of the feel of that skin touch there beneath the short cut of their short gloves. ]
I'm okay. I.. barely remember it now anyway. [ Could be a lie. Could be the truth. ]
1/2
...
[He doesn't believe them at all when they say they don't remember it. They wouldn't still be clinging to him and shivering at the barest touch if that were the case.]
2/2
[He lowers their hand from his chest, just letting their two folded hands rest on his lap.]
You must be pretty tired. Wanna listen to me yap about my week?
[To get their mind off it. To listen to comparatively inconsequential things until they fall asleep.]
no subject
What he might be thinking. But the offer comes and.. There's a nod. Sleep would probably help but.. a part of them also doesn't want to. Maybe they can pretend to. But to hear Isabeau talk.. that would be better than laying in silence. ]
..Yeah.
no subject
[He's quiet shouting, but that enthusiasm he always makes sure to bring sounds through. If nothing else, he can offer Siffrin some normalcy. The normalcy of his too loud voice and his too chipper attitude.]
So, you already saw the courthouse stuff, but did I tell you about the morgue, yet? Or the graveyard?
[He'll tell all! Not every last detail, of course. But the show stoppers. Meeting a cool woman named Medea who helped talk him through some complicated feelings. Soo-Won, who offered to grieve with him, without knowing a single thing about who was in the coffin. Dahut, who helped him run away from a ghost!! Melinoe, who gave him a hug and taught him about other gods. And Sylus. Who tried to get him to play video games? On and on. He yaps for hours, until either Siffrin shuts him up, or they drift off...]