[ i'm making us this fucking private pc because i don't know what's going to happen in this pc beyond a lot of metaphors to stars and the earth. anyways.
sets this late, he's not sleeping, he will not be sleeping, sleep means tomorrow comes a lot faster, as fast as it takes to breathe in and out. he'll sit there, by the bars, close enough his right knee dully clangs a bit against the metal as it meets. ]
If you say "it's fine" another time to my face... I think I might actually crumble into dust.
Siffrin will sit on the ground, back against the bars with their gaze focused on the ceiling. A slow blink, tilting their head before they huff a soft laugh. ]
[ Allows this tug, turning a little with a questioning look before.. a soft laugh. ]
I don't do much. [ Just help offer a hand in cook prep, company in quiet moments.. anyone could do that. They blink slowly as that comment comes and.. their face is still a bit flushed, but less so this time. ]
Mm.. Craft sickness. Before coming here, I was suffering the worst of it... it comes and goes. Haven't really given myself much time to recover.
[ it's kind of awful. it's an ache, dull and persistent. gently, the back of his hand moves to lightly push against their cheek. it's a slow, careful motion, his hand cool, dry, but maybe with the faintest tremor, like a string plucked.
i need you. ]
You sorely underestimate just how much you do... but that's okay, I don't mind reminding you. My pleasure, even.
[ Yeah, that's how it feels. But sitting idly by isn't something they could do. As much as they tend to zone out through a lot of the conversations, they listen, try to figure out something but... how was it harder this week compared to the last?
(Because you were afraid. Afraid it was one of them. And seeing two of them on the list.. you pushed yourself a bit more than normal.)
When that hand moves against their cheek, they lean into it with a close of their eye. The cool touch pleasant soothing against their small fever. Exhaustion so obvious from the eyebags, to the way their body slumps a little at that immediate contact. ]
Mm.. don't push yourself too much. [ And something a bit more airy, lighter. ] I won't be around to drag you to laze around on the floor with me.
[ tomorrow will be infuriating, and he presses himself as close as he bodily, feeling the press into his palm, letting his thumb sweep briefly. the fever bleeds into his hand and he shakes his head a little bit. don't push yourself too much, but he doesn't know how to be any other way. ]
I can't promise you that, khayratay inagni...
[ the worst rustle like dry autumn air through even drier grasses. but ultimately, he won't lie, this only spurs him to push himself further, to counterbalance, to push further, harder. another stroke, softer than the last. ]
But... I'll try. Because I think I'd miss what you've given me already. Someone who... knows. Understands what kind of pain this is that we share... Feels like I just found you and you're already leaving.
[ doesn't feel like enough time. ]
Might not be around, but I'll hold you to it when we see each other again...
[ There's a curious noise at the words they do not quite understand, but their attention focuses on that rub of his thumb. Greedy for touch as always. How long has it been since they readily felt the warmth of someone's touch like this? Outside the hold of their hands, and ruffle of their hair... no, they can't remember a time. ]
You could lie.
[ Again, a bit airy with tease. No, they know it's something he can't promise, but even lying would put their mind to some ease. Their eye flutters a little, hand carefully touching the hand at their cheek. Before emitting a soft sigh. ]
..Trying is good. [ As if they don't understand what he means. Someone who can really understand what they've gone through. Not just understand through words, through seeing it for themselves.. someone that's almost lived it as closely as they have. The loneliness aches in their chest, crumbling into the pieces. ] And.. it won't be for long. There's always letters.
[ A small nod. ]
In the meantime.. be sure to tell me about the kind of places you see next. What the team gets up to.
[ If they could be included in just a little bit.. that's all they could ask for. ]
[ (i startled them when they were whittling on wednesday, it was my fault. he doesn't regret that, small lie that it is. nobody needs to know.) but he shakes his head so much like don't tease him you are sentenced to death. when he stops, however, his mouth tips forward from pressed in a thin line into a sad sort of smile. ]
Which means I can't afford to be awful at writing letters... I'll send you as many as I can. But write me back... please.
[ the other hand slips through the bars now, holds itself out, palm up and open for a hand, asking one more time. please. ]
I'll tell you everything - don't doubt they will too. You'll be half sick with all the iterations of this story.
[ kate will be thorough and exacting, maya will highlight every important detail, dante is a wildcard, he might just set his on fire, and rin... it'll be a toss up after tonight, once everything begins to fade and notions of a "car wash" fade while the reality settles in. he'll be there to catch him. ]
I'll make sure you're right there with us. Every step, even when you aren't. No point in calling ourselves the Starfarers if one of our stars has gone dark. We'll keep you alive.
I'll try. I've.. never really been good about the technology of things but. I'll try.
[ So he doesn't have to ask them to. Because if not to be able to hear some words from the people they care about, it's connections they so desperately crave. Before their absence of their friends, family, back home eats them up entirely. Ever so clingy.
Their gaze flickers to that hand that comes through, their gloved hand raising and gently settling it onto that palm. ]
Don't think I could ever get sick of it. A story put together by the team is sure to be a good one.
[ One without pain, suffering, just time spent together and memories, views they see. Will they be able to see for themselves? Probably not. Their experience on the other side was short-lived before. ..Funny how different it is this time around. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wk 3, saturday
sets this late, he's not sleeping, he will not be sleeping, sleep means tomorrow comes a lot faster, as fast as it takes to breathe in and out. he'll sit there, by the bars, close enough his right knee dully clangs a bit against the metal as it meets. ]
If you say "it's fine" another time to my face... I think I might actually crumble into dust.
no subject
Siffrin will sit on the ground, back against the bars with their gaze focused on the ceiling. A slow blink, tilting their head before they huff a soft laugh. ]
You aren't allowed to. The team needs you.
no subject
The team needs you - the team needs all of us. A body missing an organ, a layer. I'm losing my nerves as we speak.
[ softly, brows knittng: ]
... You returned so out of sorts from the morgue... you were very warm to the touch.
no subject
I don't do much. [ Just help offer a hand in cook prep, company in quiet moments.. anyone could do that. They blink slowly as that comment comes and.. their face is still a bit flushed, but less so this time. ]
Mm.. Craft sickness. Before coming here, I was suffering the worst of it... it comes and goes. Haven't really given myself much time to recover.
no subject
[ it's kind of awful. it's an ache, dull and persistent. gently, the back of his hand moves to lightly push against their cheek. it's a slow, careful motion, his hand cool, dry, but maybe with the faintest tremor, like a string plucked.
i need you. ]
You sorely underestimate just how much you do... but that's okay, I don't mind reminding you. My pleasure, even.
no subject
(Because you were afraid. Afraid it was one of them. And seeing two of them on the list.. you pushed yourself a bit more than normal.)
When that hand moves against their cheek, they lean into it with a close of their eye. The cool touch pleasant soothing against their small fever. Exhaustion so obvious from the eyebags, to the way their body slumps a little at that immediate contact. ]
Mm.. don't push yourself too much. [ And something a bit more airy, lighter. ] I won't be around to drag you to laze around on the floor with me.
no subject
I can't promise you that, khayratay inagni...
[ the worst rustle like dry autumn air through even drier grasses. but ultimately, he won't lie, this only spurs him to push himself further, to counterbalance, to push further, harder. another stroke, softer than the last. ]
But... I'll try. Because I think I'd miss what you've given me already. Someone who... knows. Understands what kind of pain this is that we share... Feels like I just found you and you're already leaving.
[ doesn't feel like enough time. ]
Might not be around, but I'll hold you to it when we see each other again...
no subject
You could lie.
[ Again, a bit airy with tease. No, they know it's something he can't promise, but even lying would put their mind to some ease. Their eye flutters a little, hand carefully touching the hand at their cheek. Before emitting a soft sigh. ]
..Trying is good. [ As if they don't understand what he means. Someone who can really understand what they've gone through. Not just understand through words, through seeing it for themselves.. someone that's almost lived it as closely as they have. The loneliness aches in their chest, crumbling into the pieces. ] And.. it won't be for long. There's always letters.
[ A small nod. ]
In the meantime.. be sure to tell me about the kind of places you see next. What the team gets up to.
[ If they could be included in just a little bit.. that's all they could ask for. ]
no subject
[ (i startled them when they were whittling on wednesday, it was my fault. he doesn't regret that, small lie that it is. nobody needs to know.) but he shakes his head so much like don't tease him you are sentenced to death. when he stops, however, his mouth tips forward from pressed in a thin line into a sad sort of smile. ]
Which means I can't afford to be awful at writing letters... I'll send you as many as I can. But write me back... please.
[ the other hand slips through the bars now, holds itself out, palm up and open for a hand, asking one more time. please. ]
I'll tell you everything - don't doubt they will too. You'll be half sick with all the iterations of this story.
[ kate will be thorough and exacting, maya will highlight every important detail, dante is a wildcard, he might just set his on fire, and rin... it'll be a toss up after tonight, once everything begins to fade and notions of a "car wash" fade while the reality settles in. he'll be there to catch him. ]
I'll make sure you're right there with us. Every step, even when you aren't. No point in calling ourselves the Starfarers if one of our stars has gone dark. We'll keep you alive.
no subject
[ So he doesn't have to ask them to. Because if not to be able to hear some words from the people they care about, it's connections they so desperately crave. Before their absence of their friends, family, back home eats them up entirely. Ever so clingy.
Their gaze flickers to that hand that comes through, their gloved hand raising and gently settling it onto that palm. ]
Don't think I could ever get sick of it. A story put together by the team is sure to be a good one.
[ One without pain, suffering, just time spent together and memories, views they see. Will they be able to see for themselves? Probably not. Their experience on the other side was short-lived before. ..Funny how different it is this time around. ]
..Thanks, Artemy. That's.. that's all I need.